Abandonment Issue healing Mantra
It’s Your Abandonment Issues That Made You a Pick Me instead of an Asian Baddie
Nervous System Imprints of Abandonment Trauma in Overseas Asians 海外亚裔常见的被遗弃创伤神经系统烙印
依恋模式 attachment style
归属感 belonging
移民创伤 immigrant trauma
生存 Survival
自我价值 Self value
家庭结构 family structure
文化断裂 cultural disconnection
身份 identity
我是如何成为pick me 的？
1. 总是被情感无能的人吸引 Constantly attracted to emotionally unavailable people
小时候如果爱总是忽冷忽热、难以预测，神经系统会慢慢把焦虑感误认成爱。于是长大后，稳定关系会觉得无聊，追逐与不确定感却容易让人上瘾。很多讨好型行为，本质上是在重复童年的依恋模式，因为内心一直想完成“终于被爱、终于被留下”的执念。
If love felt inconsistent and unpredictable during childhood, the nervous system can confuse anxiety with love. Later in life, stable relationships may feel boring, while chasing and uncertainty become addictive. Many pick me behaviors are repeated attachment patterns driven by the desire to finally feel loved and chosen.
2. 把“被喜欢”当成自我价值感来源 Rely on being desired to feel valuable
小时候如果缺乏稳定的情绪回应与认可，孩子会慢慢把“被关注”当成“被爱”。于是长大后，很容易把被喜欢、被追求、被需要，当成自我价值感来源。一旦失去关注，就会开始自我怀疑、过度讨好、焦虑外貌与关系，因为内心始终害怕自己“不值得被留下”。
When children grow up without consistent emotional validation, they often learn to associate attention with love. Later in life, being desired, pursued, or needed becomes tied to self-worth. Once attention disappears, self-doubt, people-pleasing, and anxiety around appearance or relationships begin to surface, driven by the fear of not being worthy enough to stay loved.
3. 总怕别人突然冷淡、消失、不回复
Constantly fear people becoming distant, disappearing, or not replying
很多海外亚裔从小经历情感忽视、分离或高压成长环境，神经系统会长期处于“随时会被丢下”的警觉状态。长大后，容易对关系中的冷淡过度敏感，并开始讨好、过度解释与过度付出。这是被遗弃创伤形成的神经系统烙印，也是很多讨好型行为的来源之一。
Many overseas Asians grow up with emotional neglect, separation, or high-pressure environments, leaving the nervous system stuck in fear of abandonment. Later in life, emotional distance in relationships can trigger overexplaining, overgiving, and people-pleasing. This is a nervous system imprint created by abandonment trauma and one root of pick me behavior.
Mantra lyrics
我曾把那个人的忽冷忽热误认成命中注定的拉扯。
现在我不再为自己患得患失而沉默。
I once mistook their hot and cold for destiny pulling at my soul.
Now I no longer stay silent when anxiety takes control.
我曾经总是在深夜里思考为什么那个人没选择自己。
如今理解，人们总是倾向在各自的创伤与依恋模式中相遇。
I used to lie awake at night asking why I was never the one they’d keep.
Now I understand people meet through attachment wounds buried deep.
我曾觉得自己太敏感、太扭捏、太缺爱。
如今明白，那只是我的内在小孩在拼命寻找归属感。
I once thought I was too emotional, too needy, too hard to embrace.
Now I know it was my inner child searching desperately for a safe place.
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我曾疯狂比较，恼怒他们为什么比我更好。
后来才知道是创伤会让我以为爱就要竞争和奔跑。
I once compared myself obsessively, wondering why they are better than me.
Now I know trauma taught me love must be chased like a goal.
我曾努力追逐若即若离，像小时候永远等不到的回应。
如今明白，真正爱我的人不会让我一直猜来猜去。
I chased distant love like the unanswered cries of my childhood longing. Now I know real love does not leave my heart endlessly questioning.
我不再期待被别人选中的奇迹。
只反思为何我需要通过别人来证明自己。
I no longer wait for someone else to finally choose me.
Now I ask why I needed others to define my worth for me.
一本专为 overseas Asians、亚裔女性、children of immigrant families 与 multicultural individuals 设计的 self-healing guided journal、shadow work workbook 与 nervous system healing journal 献给每一个长期活在 survival mode 里的 dragon girl。
Helps With ｜帮助解决
• 文化冲突与 bicultural upbringing 导致的 identity fragmentation 身份撕裂
→ 重新建立 self-identity、belonging 与 self-trust
• 原生家庭、祖先创伤形成的 shame、people pleasing、perfectionism 与情绪压抑
→ 通过 trauma-informed prompts 与 deep self-inventory 建立觉知
• chronic stress、survival mode 与 nervous system exhaustion
→ 通过 somatic healing reconnect 身体、情绪与内在安全感
• 外表 high-functioning，内心却长期 emptiness、workaholism 与疲惫
→ 重新连接 inner power、authentic desires 与 emotional needs
• mechanical work、“成家立业”压力与 societal expectations 带来的 burnout 与人生意义感缺失
→ 建立真正 aligned with your values 的人生方向，而非继续被 survival patterns 推着走
Integrating ｜整合框架
• Family Systems Healing 原生家庭疗愈
• Somatic Healing 身体疗愈
• 12-Step Inventory Framework 深度自我觉察框架
• Cross-Cultural Psychology 跨文化心理学
• Shadow Work & Self-Inquiry Practices 阴影工作与深度自我探索
通过11个 guided healing journals，帮助你逐步建立更深层的 self-awareness、emotional healing、identity rebuilding 与 nervous system regulation ☯️
献给每一个正在学着离开 survival mode、重新回到自己身边的 dragon girl
- Standard 8.5" x 11" large format for roomy coloring
- Paper suited for crayons, colored pencils, markers, pastels, and light watercolors
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EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY
Product information: Generic brand, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC
Care instructions: Wipe clean with smooth cloth. Material is not water resistant.
我曾把内心小鹿乱撞的焦虑误认为是灵魂伴侣的认定。
如今才知道，真正的亲密来自安全感带来的风平浪静。
I once mistook nervous obsession for soulmate recognition.
Now I know true intimacy comes from security will make me feel calm.
我曾因害怕被抛弃，于是提前逃跑，临时叫停。
原来我只是在无意识的重复小时候被抛弃的宿命。
I feared abandonment so deeply that I always left before leaving could begin.
Now I see I was replaying childhood abandonment again and again.
我曾觉得自己只配站在故事之外旁观。
如今明白只有不再抛弃自己才能获得主角的光环。
I once believed I only deserved to watch love from outside the scene.
Now I know becoming the main character begins with not abandoning me.
我曾努力学习如何让别人更爱我。
现在我开始学习如何分辨谁真正拥有爱的能力。
I spent years learning how to make others love me more.
Now I am learning how to recognize those capable of mature love.
我不需要再等一句坚定，一个回头。
我只要把那个哭了很久的小龙女抱回怀里。
I no longer wait for reassurance or someone returning home.
I only need to hold the little dragon girl who cried alone for far too long.
我决定收回自身能量，用于绽放自己，祈求月亮女神予我助力。
I reclaim my energy for my own blooming, beneath the moon goddess guiding me gently.
